Thinking of you (with total sincerity)

You eat at me like the mumbled words you say in passing. Is that fear I smell or have I just completely gone insane?

Your smile cuts my heart in half; one fourth laid on the table to be consumed by passing worms and flies, another taken with you like the wind—gone.

Gone, you’re gone. I remain. Not the “I” that you know so well, but the “I” that took those pieces back and stitched them like a patch on a backpack and made something that’s seams are so flawless yet especially defined.

Enjoy thinking of me. I certainly don’t when I think of you.

I wanted to pretend but you weren't fooling anyone but me.

Numb toes and frozen cheeks, we trek
Past cars and street lights
on the road with
No side walks.
Where's the solid ground?
It's all icy,
slipping
wet,
no traction
for my racing
feet.

But, we made it through.

Long ago, you would snarl at me with your pearly white teeth,
the cast is set,
you, the wolf,
me, the wide-eyed girl,
as I mistake your snarl for a toothy smile.
You can smell the fear
leaping off my skin
from my sin.
You devour me whole yet
leave little life left lying
within me.
Just enough
so I still feel the agony of your touch.

But, we made it through.

Stating facts,
you masquerade
past my ever ripening eye.
I can see past your lies now.
So,
I left.
Enjoy the burn
and the ashes.

Rant on Children's Movies Started By a Midnight Snack

Whenever I eat a Gingerbread man, I think back to that scene in Shrek where the poor cookie is under questioning by the creepy, short king who threatens to take his gum drop button. I mean, who does that? That’s so cruel and heartless. Scenes in movies like that make me feel uncomfortable. And I don’t even have children yet. What if one day, I’m in my living room with my spouse and see sexual innuendos galore in a children’s movie. Cause we all know that these movies have them. Grease, anyone?! Do we laugh in front of the child? Or shake our heads disapprovingly? Or ignore it completely? God only knows what I’ll do when the child becomes a teenager and realizes that those are indeed sexual innuendos and that we, as parents, were misinforming them. Will that turn their childhood upside down and lead them into greater resentment of the people who brought them into this world? Cough cough myself and one other? Or will they think me dull and not smart enough to have caught the joke? Well, we all know me and my pride so the latter will not occur. Oh, I can see the therapy costs already.

I also love how I can see how this whole thing is inevitable in my child-raising future. I mean, how do I skirt away from this situation? Not let them watch Disney classics or TV in general? I couldn't do that even if I bled to death in an attempt for it. TV is everywhere. SEX is everywhere. So, let's just face the facts head on and start Sex-Ed in kindergarten...That way there will be no lies. And only truth. But is the truth to much for some to handle?

Gah, so many questions and thoughts brought upon by my munchies.

My LAST post lied!

My last post says it was posted yesterday, but it lies. It was posted five minutes ago,  Friday June 25th or the day of my graduation! Yea, this is sweet in a bitter sort of way. Like dark chocolate, dark chocolate=yummy. 

Going to get ready cause I guess that is important!

Seven Seas of Rhye

April Fool's. I haven't partaken in any jokes today, but alas, the day is far from over. Ever woken up one morning and felt the need to do something completely different from your normal routine? Well, for me, this morning was one of those mornings. A day of ALL days. Okay, enough with the cliches. One is one too many. (Now two.) Damn. 

"Heal over," sings KT Tunstall, "You're gunna be fine," as I get dressed and prepped for this day of MORE scholarship applications and cleaning. ZOUNDS. (Yes, I am bringing zounds back, just like sexy.) Now that I know where I'm going to college, how I might be able to pay for it, and what I want to study, my mind feels completely at ease. No more stress of worrying about acceptances as I only have 2 schools left to hear from, but even if I don't get in, that is alright since I am going to my dream school in my favorite place-Philly. So, perhaps next time I visit there I should try a Philly Cheese Steak :p even though I refuse to eat red meat on a normal basis, sometimes it's okay to splurge and try something new :p

Recently, there has been this craze of formspring and yes I do have one. It intrigues me. People ask completely random and sometimes inappropriate questions that they would never ask in real life because it is anonymous. Interesting. Man up and ask a person in real life. Honesty is something I really admire in a person so the ability to ask something that you really are wondering while letting your true identity be known is very commendable in my book. This, however, does not mean I want you to stop asking me questions, people. Cause I like answering them. Just please, include your name so I know who is asking me something, whether inappropriate or rude or funny. Alright, maybe I'll blog something later with more substance, maybe not. I'm a mystery, see? Even to myself.  

Quotes of the day: "It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts." ~Oscar Levant

  "Truth is more of a stranger than fiction." ~Mark Twain

convo

WHat is your probllemmm? 

What is yours? 

Can you spell? 

Didn't think so. 

Go to hell.

^Best conversation ever? I think not. 

People need to stop being so angry and saying things that will negatively reflect them. Cause you aren't hurting me, you are hurting yourself and making yourself seem small.

The Serpent with My Heart (Poem by me)

Eternal truth, 

Words slither through your cracked lips,

I stare headfirst 

Into the golden crop circles that 

Seize me,

 Possess me,

Swallow me,

and 

Dissolve me. 

Your shredded skin of yesterday set scattered on the split sod

Mislaying a stale stench as your stomach surges with your slaughter of yester(day). 

Shattering,

Distancing myself from your grasp on my scruff,

I glance down to see no more feet but only your tail, rattling and taunting as you

Release me, dropping me to the soil.

Is this what you've made of me?

Ash is to ash is to ash is to ash is to ash

ash, ash, ash-ssh, 

you sneer. 

Walk Away

I find people pretty hilarious. Especially the people who lie right to your face. I mean, there's no need. You're not protecting me in the end so just say it to my face so that I don't have to find out from someone else. :P

Anywho, I love Ingrid Michaelson's new song "Walk Away;" hence, the name of this post. Learning how to play the guitar is fun, as fun as any frustrating thing is. Well, I miss COP. A lot. But, I don't regret anything that happened on it, I am thankful for all the experiences as I feel stronger. I'm still reading Reading Lolita in Tehran. This is probably the longest time I've taken to read a book. 

On another note, Sarah Palin resigned the other day. Can I exclaim how truly happy I am? Nope, there isn't enough words to describe the utter happy feeling that I'm feeling haha. So many feelings in one sentence.

Right now, I shall call up Megan Johnson cause I have not talked to her in a gazillion years. And I hope she reads this just so she knows how much I love her, my twin. :)