Why yes, I am wearing a Cardigan.. sweater that is. ;p
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
It's Only Me Now
Unrobed in dark crevices,
our shadows curve into one another,
as our pulsing hearts beat like mockingbird wings in flight.
Painful silence seizes the air as a gasp,
a gasp utters,
from the creak in the old, wooden floor.
Each step towards you feels weighted down,
like an extra person clumsily attached to me. Each step is like a betrayal, a rejection rather than an acceptance.
Flirting dangerously with disastor, I know better than to be here.
To be here with you,
that is.
But here I am,
exposed,
open,
fragile,
clutching tightly onto the empty promises and false hopes that I've always kept maintained for you and you alone.
I'm a seemingly strong person, but with you, one glance and I melt like a childhood popsicle left out on the tire swing in summer.
Flight, an empty word, I think.
You, aware of your power over me, know that one touch,
just one touch, would destroy me. Because of your strength and my weakness you could strangle me, like Mice and Men, with your hands bare.
Yet you choose, to lightly dance your fingertips on my smooth skin. You dare not come any closer, believing that you could protect me from your own darkness. Despite my begging,
pleading,
compromising,
threats, and overall hysteria, you watch me and guard me as if I'm a wounded bird.
But, don't you know that I want you? For you to be the one to destroy me?
Aren't you aware how much I crave you and your bear claws? Doesn't my need for you seep into the space between us?
Let your walls down. I've let mine down for you.
Your words and actions mean nothing if the two are not simultaneous.
But as the winter chill of that fateful night, the ice you built between us is nowhere near the point of oblivion, and are bodies are no longer entangled in a sweet embrace.
You know me,
you cannot deny that.
One day,
one of these days in this lifetime,
or the next,
I will drown in you.
Ready or not, here I come.
our shadows curve into one another,
as our pulsing hearts beat like mockingbird wings in flight.
Painful silence seizes the air as a gasp,
a gasp utters,
from the creak in the old, wooden floor.
Each step towards you feels weighted down,
like an extra person clumsily attached to me. Each step is like a betrayal, a rejection rather than an acceptance.
Flirting dangerously with disastor, I know better than to be here.
To be here with you,
that is.
But here I am,
exposed,
open,
fragile,
clutching tightly onto the empty promises and false hopes that I've always kept maintained for you and you alone.
I'm a seemingly strong person, but with you, one glance and I melt like a childhood popsicle left out on the tire swing in summer.
Flight, an empty word, I think.
You, aware of your power over me, know that one touch,
just one touch, would destroy me. Because of your strength and my weakness you could strangle me, like Mice and Men, with your hands bare.
Yet you choose, to lightly dance your fingertips on my smooth skin. You dare not come any closer, believing that you could protect me from your own darkness. Despite my begging,
pleading,
compromising,
threats, and overall hysteria, you watch me and guard me as if I'm a wounded bird.
But, don't you know that I want you? For you to be the one to destroy me?
Aren't you aware how much I crave you and your bear claws? Doesn't my need for you seep into the space between us?
Let your walls down. I've let mine down for you.
Your words and actions mean nothing if the two are not simultaneous.
But as the winter chill of that fateful night, the ice you built between us is nowhere near the point of oblivion, and are bodies are no longer entangled in a sweet embrace.
You know me,
you cannot deny that.
One day,
one of these days in this lifetime,
or the next,
I will drown in you.
Ready or not, here I come.
I think the city seems so cold, maybe it's too cool...
Day 10billion- Songs you listen to when you are Happy and Sad
HAPPY?: Tire Swing, Let's Dance to Joy Division, Just Dance, Peacock, Firework, My Life Would Suck Without You, Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, Boysboysboys, There She Goes, Killer Queen, Bicycle, any show tunes, Parachutes, Ingrid.
SAD?: Opera, or heavy metal, or Ingrid, or Creep, The Point of No return, Purple Rain..
I listen to a hell of a lot more, I chose to include these songs on here cause I just hit the recently played button on my Ipod aka I'm lazy :p
Listening to some sappy songs and enjoying the day. Woot. Happy Monday, fools.
Oh yea, it's a fun world we live in. and I forgot it was a Monday.. Me and my memory. Insane.
Make me smile and you've got my heart, but watch out, with caution proceed.
HAPPY?: Tire Swing, Let's Dance to Joy Division, Just Dance, Peacock, Firework, My Life Would Suck Without You, Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, Boysboysboys, There She Goes, Killer Queen, Bicycle, any show tunes, Parachutes, Ingrid.
SAD?: Opera, or heavy metal, or Ingrid, or Creep, The Point of No return, Purple Rain..
I listen to a hell of a lot more, I chose to include these songs on here cause I just hit the recently played button on my Ipod aka I'm lazy :p
Listening to some sappy songs and enjoying the day. Woot. Happy Monday, fools.
Oh yea, it's a fun world we live in. and I forgot it was a Monday.. Me and my memory. Insane.
Make me smile and you've got my heart, but watch out, with caution proceed.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Kill them with kindness...
Day 03289759279- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I'm proud that I've been able to be open to change and accept in all my unique traits and even new interests that I never wanted to admit we're there but have always been there. What is it? Something for me to know and get used to and for you to be patient and in due time will find out. I'm also proud that I've been hanging out with friends rather than on my lonesome.
Currently, I'm in the tech center, procrastinating and watching the couple next to me play footsie as I write this. Do you know what I love? Holding hands. Anyone's hand, it doesn't matter who, and can totally be platonic but just the warmth of another makes me heart smile.
This week's goal before turkey day is to kill em with kindness. Take that anyway you want, I care only for my own definition of the mantra, phrase if you will. Alright, folks, this thorny girl has got to learn how to play some Bb, Eb, and Ab scales on piano with the diatonic triads. Yeehaw!!
I'm proud that I've been able to be open to change and accept in all my unique traits and even new interests that I never wanted to admit we're there but have always been there. What is it? Something for me to know and get used to and for you to be patient and in due time will find out. I'm also proud that I've been hanging out with friends rather than on my lonesome.
Currently, I'm in the tech center, procrastinating and watching the couple next to me play footsie as I write this. Do you know what I love? Holding hands. Anyone's hand, it doesn't matter who, and can totally be platonic but just the warmth of another makes me heart smile.
This week's goal before turkey day is to kill em with kindness. Take that anyway you want, I care only for my own definition of the mantra, phrase if you will. Alright, folks, this thorny girl has got to learn how to play some Bb, Eb, and Ab scales on piano with the diatonic triads. Yeehaw!!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
It's just pretend, my dear.
Utter those three words and I'll smile.
Understand my faults and love me for all my imperfections. All I ask for, is love.
Love, love, love, not that puppy dog kind, we're in the major leagues now and you're up to bat.
But, you aren't well enough, yet, my love. I wish you were. Time will only tell where this will go but for now I'll sit and smile.
Because, you told me those three words.
You, I love.
Understand my faults and love me for all my imperfections. All I ask for, is love.
Love, love, love, not that puppy dog kind, we're in the major leagues now and you're up to bat.
But, you aren't well enough, yet, my love. I wish you were. Time will only tell where this will go but for now I'll sit and smile.
Because, you told me those three words.
You, I love.
Was blind but now I see....
Or I was just really lazy and am now semi productive. It's been one of those days. The days where you're so out of it and so busy that you just have to take time for yourself and friends otherwise you'll go insane. Speaking of insane... Just kidding, I'm in the sanity today.Also, considering I like FAILED at continuing my project for my blog, I shall complete 4 days' topics in one entry. On your mark, get set, read:
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I wish I didn't fall for people who are totally not within my "price range" if you will. Also, I wish I wasn't so self concious about my height and overall size. I'm beautiful and need to own it. Ha.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
http://www.ushistory.org/lovepark/
Day 06- Favorite super hero/fictional character and why
Favorite fictional character is Susanna Kaysen from Girl, Interrupted. Note how these lines are pretty much the best thing ever: Valerie: What would you have said to her?
Susanna: I don't know. That I was sorry. That I will never know what it was like to be her. But I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. You hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
Valerie: Susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this; but you gotta tell some of this to your doctors.
Susanna: How the hell am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease?
Valerie: But you do understand it. You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. But I think what you've gotta do is put it down. Put it away. Put it in your notebook, but get it out of yourself. Away so you can't curl up with it anymore.
Susanna: Lisa thinks it's a gift. That it lets you see the truth.
Valerie: Lisa's been here for 8 years.
Susanna: [crying] I'm so sorry. I was a bitch. I was a bitch.
Valerie: Don't drop anchor here, you understand?
Susanna: [narrating] When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds...
[overlapping words]
Susanna: All I know is that I began to feel things again. Whatever I was, I knew there was only one way back to the world and that was to use the place to talk. So I saw the great and wonderful Dr. Wick three times a week and I let her hear every thought in my head.
and
Susanna: Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
http://www.ingridmichaelson.com/music/lyrics/
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Short term goals: Be happier in life as we know it. Be present.
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I wish I didn't fall for people who are totally not within my "price range" if you will. Also, I wish I wasn't so self concious about my height and overall size. I'm beautiful and need to own it. Ha.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
http://www.ushistory.org/lovepark/
Day 06- Favorite super hero/fictional character and why
Favorite fictional character is Susanna Kaysen from Girl, Interrupted. Note how these lines are pretty much the best thing ever: Valerie: What would you have said to her?
Susanna: I don't know. That I was sorry. That I will never know what it was like to be her. But I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. You hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
Valerie: Susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this; but you gotta tell some of this to your doctors.
Susanna: How the hell am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease?
Valerie: But you do understand it. You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. But I think what you've gotta do is put it down. Put it away. Put it in your notebook, but get it out of yourself. Away so you can't curl up with it anymore.
Susanna: Lisa thinks it's a gift. That it lets you see the truth.
Valerie: Lisa's been here for 8 years.
Susanna: [crying] I'm so sorry. I was a bitch. I was a bitch.
Valerie: Don't drop anchor here, you understand?
Susanna: [narrating] When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds...
[overlapping words]
Susanna: All I know is that I began to feel things again. Whatever I was, I knew there was only one way back to the world and that was to use the place to talk. So I saw the great and wonderful Dr. Wick three times a week and I let her hear every thought in my head.
and
Susanna: Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
http://www.ingridmichaelson.com/music/lyrics/
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Short term goals: Be happier in life as we know it. Be present.
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