Lessons&Resolutions (just your stereotypical new years' eve)

Not to be sentimental at all but here are a few of the many things that I've learned this year:

Letting Go is oh so important.

Lies spread like wildfire.

I don't have a gnome down under, if you know what I mean. ;)

Graduating high school doesn't give you entitlement, it just makes you more confused.

I love The L Word and Freaks and Geeks.

If they mess with you, give em hell. Or you could forgive and forget. Either is an option pending on how much sleep you have.

Tomorrow doesn't know what's coming.

I have met the greatest people EVER in college.

I love singing more than anything else.

Confidence makes you SEXY.

Red lipstick/makeup also helps as a confidence booster.

Be nice to the earth.

Karma is like that bitchy best friend who will always come to you at the most inconvenient times.

Chipped, blue nailpolish has been on my fingertips all year.

Playing the Ukulele, I feel most connected to the world. It's the realest feeling, I've had.

Most important thing I've learned: Carpe Diem.

And now for resolutions:
Same old, same old.
And: Be free to be ME . The me I want to be.
Sing a new song-Each day. If you can't sing it, cause you can't find it in existance already; write it.
Learn to bend a little or you will break.
Don't search for love, let it find you.

Don't wanna let go, let go, let go of you...

The "you" in that title represents my former self. I could care less about my past relationships cause they are in the PAST. Although, each one has helped to shape me into the person I am today...
ANYWAY, Currently, I am listening to Sara Barielles' new album, listening to "Good Enough" by Bess Rogers, eating Yoplait's light yogurt, and procrastinating the wrapping of the finale christmas presents for TOMORROW. Tomorrow? That seems so close yet so far. I'd like to see if I did, indeed, get a new ukulele. Because if I didn't I might explode since I left Mark at school. Which means, I've only had Betsy to entertain me. Oh yea, Betsy is my guitar if you didn't get that.'

Oh, and now my mama bought me a candle so I'm watching that flame. Anything is more interesting than doing what I'm supposed to. Actually, I do enjoy watching flames, that might have something to do with the fact that I'm a minor pyro.
"I'm an ocean, you're the rain."
Listen to First Aid Kit...they be rockin my brain and my itunes.

Also, random though again. THIS FLAME IS SO COOL.
No, I'm not under the influence of anything but this flame.

I was hoping to make this post meaningful but since my thoughts are so scattered I'll have to try again later.
Now, for creativity. In wrapping. Fail.

Merry Eve of Christmas.
Why doesn't Adam get a day?

Rant on Children's Movies Started By a Midnight Snack

Whenever I eat a Gingerbread man, I think back to that scene in Shrek where the poor cookie is under questioning by the creepy, short king who threatens to take his gum drop button. I mean, who does that? That’s so cruel and heartless. Scenes in movies like that make me feel uncomfortable. And I don’t even have children yet. What if one day, I’m in my living room with my spouse and see sexual innuendos galore in a children’s movie. Cause we all know that these movies have them. Grease, anyone?! Do we laugh in front of the child? Or shake our heads disapprovingly? Or ignore it completely? God only knows what I’ll do when the child becomes a teenager and realizes that those are indeed sexual innuendos and that we, as parents, were misinforming them. Will that turn their childhood upside down and lead them into greater resentment of the people who brought them into this world? Cough cough myself and one other? Or will they think me dull and not smart enough to have caught the joke? Well, we all know me and my pride so the latter will not occur. Oh, I can see the therapy costs already.

I also love how I can see how this whole thing is inevitable in my child-raising future. I mean, how do I skirt away from this situation? Not let them watch Disney classics or TV in general? I couldn't do that even if I bled to death in an attempt for it. TV is everywhere. SEX is everywhere. So, let's just face the facts head on and start Sex-Ed in kindergarten...That way there will be no lies. And only truth. But is the truth to much for some to handle?

Gah, so many questions and thoughts brought upon by my munchies.

Smother me with Christmas Cookies

I think I'm officially pooped...and the cookies aren't even decorated yet. Actually, scratch that, I AM utterly exhausted. When I agreed, unconsciously, to make cookies today with my nieces, I was not aware of what that really meant. After melting butter, cracking eggs, and adding the powder to make the dough actually become dough, I had to use oodles of flour to get the stickiness from my hands and off the pan. Three and a half hours later, I finally finished cleaning up the kitchen since it has to be spotless for the arrival of family and clean enough for Mama to come home to.

Oh and I just remembered that sometime between now and the actual day of Christmas I have to finish shopping and wrap all of these presents. When is Christmas again? Oh yea, four days. Splendid.
This holiday is more stressful than it's all cracked to be. For what? A few hours of family togetherness and wrapping paper strewn into pieces all on the floor and to feed ourselves into oblivion? Awesome. I also believe I'm in the middle of a sugar coma right now...too much frosting in my system.

Mission accomplished, I guess. The sun just set and I'm still not wearing a bra nor have I showered. I also think I've worn this shirt to bed for three days which isn't bad, but considering I was in it for most of the day today, it's grotesque. Not at ALL burlesque as I so desire to be, every minute of everyday. Haha just joshin y'all. All I desire, right now, is to record "Die Alone" and finish the music video I started yesterday. That's a hint of what's to come.

Started baking: 1:00pm
Ended: 4:53pm
Phew.

Peace and positivity, my Carolyn Thorn enthusiasts.

What was the best advice you've ever received?

"I am I, with all the individuality of an earthworm" ~Sylvia Plath
haha well, I guess, just to "be free to be ME." And happiness isn't about a number on the scale, size of jeans, or who has the best grades, it's all about the insides and using the experiences you have to make your dreams and passions come alive.

You've got the questions; I've got the answers.

Home equals Christmas

I know I'm home during Christmas when there are cookies everywhere. We never have cookies here and yet they surround me, choke me even. Which is also totally fine by me, especially with all the Christmas books, tree, lights, and other holiday goodies as a constant reminder for my family's reason for the season. I also think that seeing little socks made for two year olds are the cutest things ever.
It's weird to be home and not be expected to go to class. Or to be expected to get things done.
It's weird when I realize that I've been away for four months and come back and almost nothing yet everything has changed. Weird right?
Makes one think about things more closely.
Alright, now I'ma get ready to go and see Black Swan.
To Do for tomorrow:
Make list for Christmas.
Shop.
Visit friends.
Repeat...

Another Poem from an Optimistic Ophelia

Look into my eyes and find yourself.
The person you believe you've misplaced.
The curve of your lip and strength of your chest,
as it alone
keeps your heart enclosed,
trapped forever beneath a mess of muscles, blood, and bones;
The heat of your smile and warmth of your hand, gently holds me-
holds all of me
in your grasp.
With eyes so sad, so injured,
yet hopeful,
you plead through them for me not to hurt you.
But what you don't know is that this is only the first, never the last.
Our embrace will never end as time may try to tatter and tear us apart.
Each time you lay your head tenderly on my shoulder,
and give me love marks,
you not only leave signs in the morning on my skin,
but on my soul, my heart, my memory.
This is only the first of us.
Can't you see that?
And there will never be a last.
This is my promise, my vow, my pact.
~ct

I think you are absolutely gorgeous just as you are now. I love how individualistic you are and I hope you never ever change!

Thank you anonymous person :) That means a lot to me.

You've got the questions; I've got the answers.

Who inspires you the most?

People who fight adversity and those who are stronger than they know and humble about their talent. Also, compassionate people who give back.

You've got the questions; I've got the answers.

Imperfect

This is not a cry for help, this is my truth.
This is not a ploy for attention, this is my life.
Did I ask for this? This pain? This is pain.
Not one bit.
But with the prize and aesthetics comes the reality that one must face.
So, I got help.
But here I remain, living my life through the eyes of the past while glancing forward at the past, the present, the future.
The me I once was, the me I am, the me I will be, all in one.
My wants, needs, desires, hopes, and dreams all melting into one another.
I remain, imperfection.
I tasted, perfection.
My mouth dry hoping for that taste to come again, knowing that it cannot happen.
I'm not strong enough, or rather, I'm stronger than I imagined.
Stuck in the spiraling staircase I plunge forward, each step lighter than the next. Or heavier.
Who knows?
Who is to be the deciding factor?
Me and all my imperfection.