The Future. Tomorrow, maybe?

I wish to be invaded. I wish to be entwined with someone who knows me. All of me. The things that many others don't know about me, I wish for someone to know. I want someone to capture the wild parts and tame parts of myself alike. I want to be plumaged and left a mess. Then, I'd be sure I'm actually feeling and then I can put myself together again. I like that process.

I'm looking for companionship. No questions asked because they should already know the answers. No daunting small talk, let's skip that please. I'm looking for a friend who will be a lover, someone to be there to hold my hand and cuddle anytime we're both free too. Someone who will help ignite my passion and continue to fuel it so that my creativity never diminishes. Inspiration not suffocation. I'd like that an awful lot.

For myself, I'd love to not be so hard on myself. (Awkward wording?) I'd also love to be free to be me in every philosophical and literal meaning of that. I'd love to not be so lonely when in a crowded room. I'd just adore completeness with myself.
"I'm looking for something to fill the holes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t68m5k9J_U
"I will fill my own holes..."

Alright, now onto "Girl, Interrupted," homework, and sleep.

Home equals Christmas

I know I'm home during Christmas when there are cookies everywhere. We never have cookies here and yet they surround me, choke me even. Which is also totally fine by me, especially with all the Christmas books, tree, lights, and other holiday goodies as a constant reminder for my family's reason for the season. I also think that seeing little socks made for two year olds are the cutest things ever.
It's weird to be home and not be expected to go to class. Or to be expected to get things done.
It's weird when I realize that I've been away for four months and come back and almost nothing yet everything has changed. Weird right?
Makes one think about things more closely.
Alright, now I'ma get ready to go and see Black Swan.
To Do for tomorrow:
Make list for Christmas.
Shop.
Visit friends.
Repeat...

You'll Always Be My Thunder, So Bring on the Rain.

His smile melts my heart as he holds me in his arms and whispers, "I love you. You're amazing!" It feels so right yet I know it is wrong for his heart belongs not to me but her. He only loves me like a brother, not as a lover, anymore. He denies our past but can't seem to stop toying with my heart. Takes my hands into his and says how much he misses me--staring into his eyes, that brown, brown sea, I'm lost and this is unhealthy. I need to get out of the past and be happy with what I got. Not fair to the present and everyone involved, oh God. I know it's dangerous to ask but why not me? Why not me? Why she? 

I need to stop listening to West Side Story music. And reading my blue old journal. Both things do not make for a good mood, yet Gilmore Girls does, so let's go watch that.

I also need to make my invitations to my grad party.. :)

Sometimes when you dream, your dreams come true

I didn't have to wait long. No, not long at all. 

I have officially been accepted into the Boyer College of Music at Temple University :D! 

My dreams are coming true. That sounds cliche, but it is the kind of cliche I can deal with as there truly are no other words to describe my ecstatic excitement!!!!!!!! (see, notice the obnoxious exclamation points! haha) Love and peace!

Tick tock tick tock...the scourge of waiting.

     I've never been one to just sit around, waiting for things to happen to me, so with this long, grueling process of college acceptances or denials (haven't received any yet THANK GOODNESS), and the only thing that can be done is wait, I believe I am going insane...Or something close to it. Reading Sylvia Plath's poems and letters home to her family isn't really boosting my moral, but it is SOMETHING that can be done. Another thing I have busied myself with is the next journey ahead of scholarships. Asking for money, or anything for that matter, is not something I am at all good at, so this task--making myself seem worthy/needy enough for the scholarships--has been not only daunting but disturbing my usual patterns of giving more than I receive.  That's why I believe merit scholarships are a beautiful thing. I didn't even need to apply for them but there they come! :D

     I must make a mental note to create a scholarship for teenagers headed for college when I can provide the means to do so when I'm an adult. I feel that people who create scholarships are very generous, compassionate people. 

I've been writing A LOT recently, maybe not on here, but in my journal filled with new quotes and thoughts from my day to day experiences. Writing is a skill that can only be improved as one gets older. Also, poetry is an aquired taste. I used to love poetry, then became immersed with novels and stories, but am now slowly levitating and delving back into the land of poetry. Poets are the most unusual, intelligent beings--only they know how to craft words so eloquently together. 

I'm excited to see what happens next in my life.