convo

WHat is your probllemmm? 

What is yours? 

Can you spell? 

Didn't think so. 

Go to hell.

^Best conversation ever? I think not. 

People need to stop being so angry and saying things that will negatively reflect them. Cause you aren't hurting me, you are hurting yourself and making yourself seem small.

The Serpent with My Heart (Poem by me)

Eternal truth, 

Words slither through your cracked lips,

I stare headfirst 

Into the golden crop circles that 

Seize me,

 Possess me,

Swallow me,

and 

Dissolve me. 

Your shredded skin of yesterday set scattered on the split sod

Mislaying a stale stench as your stomach surges with your slaughter of yester(day). 

Shattering,

Distancing myself from your grasp on my scruff,

I glance down to see no more feet but only your tail, rattling and taunting as you

Release me, dropping me to the soil.

Is this what you've made of me?

Ash is to ash is to ash is to ash is to ash

ash, ash, ash-ssh, 

you sneer. 

Stop Planning and LIVE and LET live

      Whoever says the perfect way to start and end ones day with reflecting is bad would be wrong. Most definitely. Here I sit, thinking back on all of the day's events and am especially happy with my accomplishments of the day: attending the St. Jude Rally where we wrote 2000!!! letters to family and friends to help donate money to research, taking and nailing two tests, blogging (right now), and overall enjoying the company of those around me. 

     Living for the moment, taking action, and diminishing the plans of every minute can help to truly experience each and every breath of every day. The beauty of true life may be lost throughout the shuffle of the day's craziness and business but one truly can feel the glory of each day if one takes a deep breath and just relaxes. Even for a second. Insert deep breath. :) Today I thought a lot about observing people and how different everyone truly is. It's sounds cliche that everyone is different and unique but just stare at someone long enough and their reactions always differ from another person. Some, I have noticed have squirmed, winked, smiled, and even called me "weird." Ha. I think it is their fear of not knowing what someone thinks about you that truly scares people. I've also realized today, to fully understand me, you have to know where I come from and what I've experienced...then everything else makes sense. 

     Alright, I have a lot of homework aka a whale of a Moby Dick essay to start/finish for Friday so I shall end this post with a quotation from Slaughterhouse 5, "Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is..There is no 'why.' So it goes." 

Promenade?

Talking about prom makes me uncomfortable. It is the imminent awaiting doom. It's not that I am upset or ashamed that I'm going stag or am angry that this one night will cost me mucho $$$ but it's the idea of all this anticipation and work for just one night that really twists my buttons. 

I've started looking for a dress. It doesn't need to be the "perfect" dress, just one that will flatter me and my curves and height without too much fabric or cost. I'm quite proud that I'm able to go by myself (dateless) to prom, because it's something I think I need to accomplish on my own. I don't need someone to have a good time as much as I want someone. I can/will have a good time with my friends. I've really come a long way from the person I was last year who refused to go to prom without a date/had an anti prom party instead, which turned out to be just as fun. :)

Goodnight saigon. 

Spring takes me the way I am

Spring, spring is here. Ahead, before, in front, and now around us. 

Do I like this? Yes. Very much so. 

Just wish I could run and skip and be free. 

Happy Birthday to my sister today!!! :D

Broken. :/

I Am broken. Well, not all of me. Just my ankle. It's a lovely feeling. Not really. Need sleep. I've included too many fragments in this post. Just for memory of my once healthy ankle. Amen. Night. 

Insert Jaws Theme Song

As of now, it is a MONDAY morning at 6:14 AM which is really 5:14 am because of the "spring ahead." It is not even spring yet! I don't feel any awesome windy/warm weather, all I notice is the rain and the humidity and the cold and that I'M TIRED AND WANT MY HOUR OF SLEEP BACK! Doesn't the humanity know that when they take an hour away from over productive individuals, they're going to take it from their already small amount of sleep? Oh the HUMANITY, of Mondays! (End rant.)

I'm excited for the mail today. And tomorrow's mail. And the day after that's mail...etc. "Why, Carolyn?" You may inquire. Well, because of what may be in the mail. College decisions and any other mail addressed to "Ms. Carolyn R Thorn" have the power to make me jump up and down. So, for my next birthday, aka next year, if you want me to have a happy one...send me mail. At college ;) or my house because I'm sure my momma will forward it to me. :)

I feel quite selfish/whiny today so if I keep to myself today, I'm most likely just trying to restrain myself from complaining. Complaints, if not significant, annoy me and most likely annoy 89% of people. (I just made that statistic up because it sounded like a good, hearty number.) 

BE prepared viewers, for I will be participating in the "Everybody" contest for Ingrid Michaelson soon. Currently working on my cover of it through the lovely gift of music theory. 

It's just another Manic Monday. Enjoy and thatahthat's alll folks! 

Sometimes when you dream, your dreams come true

I didn't have to wait long. No, not long at all. 

I have officially been accepted into the Boyer College of Music at Temple University :D! 

My dreams are coming true. That sounds cliche, but it is the kind of cliche I can deal with as there truly are no other words to describe my ecstatic excitement!!!!!!!! (see, notice the obnoxious exclamation points! haha) Love and peace!

Tick tock tick tock...the scourge of waiting.

     I've never been one to just sit around, waiting for things to happen to me, so with this long, grueling process of college acceptances or denials (haven't received any yet THANK GOODNESS), and the only thing that can be done is wait, I believe I am going insane...Or something close to it. Reading Sylvia Plath's poems and letters home to her family isn't really boosting my moral, but it is SOMETHING that can be done. Another thing I have busied myself with is the next journey ahead of scholarships. Asking for money, or anything for that matter, is not something I am at all good at, so this task--making myself seem worthy/needy enough for the scholarships--has been not only daunting but disturbing my usual patterns of giving more than I receive.  That's why I believe merit scholarships are a beautiful thing. I didn't even need to apply for them but there they come! :D

     I must make a mental note to create a scholarship for teenagers headed for college when I can provide the means to do so when I'm an adult. I feel that people who create scholarships are very generous, compassionate people. 

I've been writing A LOT recently, maybe not on here, but in my journal filled with new quotes and thoughts from my day to day experiences. Writing is a skill that can only be improved as one gets older. Also, poetry is an aquired taste. I used to love poetry, then became immersed with novels and stories, but am now slowly levitating and delving back into the land of poetry. Poets are the most unusual, intelligent beings--only they know how to craft words so eloquently together. 

I'm excited to see what happens next in my life. 

 Next to me is what I've been working on for a scholarship contest :) Let's hope they like the look of my future.